The Power of Assumptions and Their Lasting Impact

I remember the pain of an assumption I made back in the mid-80s. I can still feel the embarrassment about how off-base and unevolved I was. My friend with a very difficult, nearly unpronounceable, and hardly spellable last name announced her engagement. I said, “Great. Now you can get rid of that awful last name.” She very dryly replied, “I’m keeping it.” To be fair, it wasn't so common for women to keep their maiden names at that time, at least in the South. Almost 40 years later, I still feel embarrassed. But it hasn’t stopped me from making other assumptions and social blunders.

Understanding Root Causes

Ever notice how assumptions creep into our lives from all over the place—our upbringing, cultural norms, or even our little quirks? These deep-seated beliefs can cause misunderstandings and hurt feelings, even when we don’t mean to. But guess what? By figuring out where these assumptions come from, we can start seeing things differently and open up our minds. Remember, we're not just products of our upbringing—we have the power to see and do things in new and exciting ways. As fully formed adults, we have the opportunity and the obligation to choose what we think—even if it takes practice.

The Impact on Our Relationships

Assumptions can really mess with our relationships, leading to conflicts and misunderstandings we don’t need. For instance, ever find yourself judging someone’s lifestyle or preferences just by their appearance or what they own? It’s not fair and can make things awkward. I remember when pronouns were changing. Individuals were using “they” and I didn’t understand. Eventually, I started seeing how gender-fluid roles totally break the molds I grew up with. With a bit of help from my adult kids, my assumptions about gender and gender identity have shifted significantly.

Realizing and challenging our assumptions is key to building more robust, more empathetic connections. Inviting others to help me understand has been key for me. Plus, I've noticed my relationships with my adult children get so much better when I avoid making assumptions when I’m with them. Even though I many embarrass myself by trying on new ways of thinking, I think most people appreciate a genuine effort.

The Importance of Continuous Growth

Personal growth is a journey that never really stops, no matter how old we get. We have a chance to learn from our past mistakes and keep working on becoming our best selves. Sure, the world changes fast, and it can be tempting to ignore things that push us out of our comfort zones. But embracing continuous growth helps us stay informed and make kinder, more thoughtful choices in how we interact with others. You might want to check out my earlier blog on adopting an “Experimental” mindset as we age. I suspect one “secret” of enjoying our lives as we grow old is to relieve ourselves of past assumptions and experiment with new ones.

Give Grace and Openness a Try

As women over 60, we've got boxes and bags full of life experience to help us make thoughtful and considerate choices. By recognizing our past mistakes and actively challenging our assumptions, we can set a great example and inspire people of all ages to do the same. Many of us now have emotional, interpersonal, and financial resources we didn't have when we were younger. Putting these to use at this stage of our lives can benefit everyone. During this time of conflict and change, having the grace not to make assumptions and the openness to allow new ways of seeing the world can benefit us all.

Like It or Not, Mindfulness is a Gamechanger

To be honest, I’m really tired of the answer to every problem being “meditate” or “practice mindfulness.” However, I’m finding that the more I live in the present, the more I can break free from assumptions. Mindfulness encourages me to pause and observe my thoughts without immediate judgment, allowing me to approach situations with a clearer, more compassionate mindset. Practicing mindfulness through meditation, breathing exercises, or even mindful listening enhances my ability to stay present and open-minded. Putting away your phone and other distractions while you are interacting with people is a simple (not easy) way to improve your mindfulness. I’d like to think that if I were more mindful back in the 80s, I would not have made such an insensitive comment about someone’s last name.

We have no idea what’s going on inside another person. By remaining curious and open-minded, we can foster more meaningful connections and create a more inclusive and understanding world. And increasingly and slowly, I am becoming the person I always wanted to be.

Additional Tips for Readers Committed to Growth

Join a Discussion Group: Engage in conversations with people from diverse backgrounds to broaden your perspective.
Read Widely: Explore books, articles, and blogs that offer different viewpoints and experiences.
Practice Active Listening: Stephen Covey’s advice, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood," still holds true.
Spend time with people of different ages, backgrounds, and life experiences.

By weaving these practices into our daily routines, we can continue growing and learning and positively impacting everyone around us, no matter how old we are.

Breaking Free from Assumptions at Any Age