I used to be all about the classic New Year’s resolutions: drink more water, exercise more, eat better, floss daily, spend less money—nothing surprising there.

Not anymore.

I read somewhere that if a habit keeps showing up on your annual resolution list—year after year—and it still hasn’t happened, it’s probably time to drop it. Maybe you’re not genuinely motivated. Maybe you only think you “should” want it. Maybe it’s not what you truly care about at all.

Letting go of those lofty, repetitive resolutions changed things for me. It stopped me from feeling like a rebellious teenager pushing back against a strict parent and rescued me from chronic disappointment. Without that constant feeling of failure, I was finally able to break the cycle and feel more at peace.

Why Lofty Resolutions Often Backfire

It took me well into my 50s to realize that big, showy resolutions can set you up for failure. Instead of making me healthier, stronger, or happier, they often did the opposite—triggering guilt and a “F*ck It” attitude. As we move into our 60s, a time when mindful living and healthy aging become even more important, it’s worth rethinking how we approach our goals.

Learning From the Pros: Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies

Gretchen Rubin’s “Four Tendencies” framework is a great place to start. We each respond differently to internal and external expectations. Are you an Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel? Understanding your tendency helps you choose habits that actually fit who you are, making it easier to stick with them. For example, as an Obliger, I do better with a workout buddy or a class I’ve paid for. You can find out your tendency by taking her Four Tendencies Quiz online.

Start Small: Insights from James Clear’s Atomic Habits

James Clear’s Atomic Habits suggests a similar approach. Instead of setting huge, unattainable goals, start with tiny, manageable habits. Think “I’ll walk for five minutes” rather than “I must run three miles.” When you keep it simple and achievable, these small wins add up. Over time, you’ll find yourself living a healthier, more active life—without the pressure of hitting an unrealistic target. If you haven’t already, consider reading or listening to his book.

Avoiding the All-or-Nothing Trap

This approach also helps me avoid perfectionism. Sometimes I don’t want to miss a single workout, even if that means turning down a fun trip. But when I remember my goal is overall strength and well-being, I realize that hiking on vacation still supports that goal. Life is bigger than my usual exercise class schedule.

If I had said, “I must do strength training twice a week and three exercise classes every week,” I would fail the moment I got sick or started traveling. Life isn’t always predictable. But if my guiding principle is feeling stronger, I can find ways to support that goal wherever I am.

Midlife Habit Change: Focus on Feelings, Not Targets

Your inbox is probably full of pitches to lose weight, quit drinking, or stick to some perfect routine. I get it—we’re all bombarded with quick fixes. But maybe it’s time for a different question: How do you want to feel a year from now?

Let that answer guide you. Maybe it’s “fitter,” “calmer,” “more engaged,” or “less stressed.” Whatever it is, use that feeling as your compass. It’s a subtle shift, but it can lead to habits that actually last and a life that feels more like your own.

Tell Me: How Do You Want to Feel?

I’d love to hear your thoughts. A year from now how do you want to feel? Share your answers in the comments. Let’s start a conversation and learn from each other’s experiences as we navigate healthy aging, habit change, and meaningful personal growth—well into our 60s and beyond.

New Year, Same You: Rethinking Resolutions In Your 60s